


Stealing Warlock Dowling

by theotherdoctor (blueharlequin)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Aziraphale is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Aziraphale is a Mess (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Kids (Good Omens), Female Crowley (Good Omens), Genderfluid Character, Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Multi, Nanny Crowley (Good Omens), No beta we fall like Crowley, Parent-Child Relationship, Pining, Questioning, Religious Indoctrination, Softie Crowley (Good Omens), Temporarily Unrequited Love, at least when it comes to children, mostly competent Crowley, nanny ashtoreth - Freeform, references to Crowley's other relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-08-16 04:23:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20194729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueharlequin/pseuds/theotherdoctor
Summary: So, after all is said and done, Crowley, who never wanted to leave Warlock behind with his parents, remembers that Hastur was with the Dowling’s at Megiddo. He goes to see what happened to them and learns that they didn’t get annihilated but the family is in the hospital. With a few demonic miracles, Crowley makes it so that Warlock “died” in the attack and kidnaps him. Cue the weirdness that becomes Crowley’s life, becausehe didn’t think this through,when he has to explain to Aziraphale he’s kidnapped an 11-year-old boy. As for Crowley being both Nanny Ash and Anthony Crowley, well Warlock knows what gender fluid is but mistakes Crowley’s dilemma with Aziraphale as "coming out" panic instead of “seriously, you stole a child!” panic





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rating may go up and I may add more tags. I may or may not mix the book and TV show. According to the book, the nanny and the gardener left when Warlock was six and were replaced by two tutors, it heavily suggests they were also Aziraphale and Crowley. In the TV show, it's implied that Aziraphale and Crowley were the nanny and the gardener until he was eleven.
> 
> No beta so please be nice about errors, please.

Weeks after their fabulous dinner at the Ritz and walking arm and arm home, Aziraphale and Crowley spent yet another evening celebrating with copious amounts of alcohol. It seemed that they had spent days and days celebrating the aborted End of Times. They had regularly kept in touch with Anathema and her beau Newt, seen Adam and the Them several times and went to a housewarming for Madam Tracy and Mr Shadwell at their new cottage. Everything was going swimmingly, and in their newfound freedom, Crowley and Aziraphale were spending even more time together than before.

Crowley was overjoyed when the angel sat next to him on the couch, both of them in each other's space, the angel particularly not shying away from his casual touches for once. It made him giddy and hopeful that they might finally move forward from two friends in love with each other to two friends loving each other. As they were winding down, Aziraphale made his customary offer, "You can stay over if you don't feel like driving home, dear." Crowley had stayed at the bookshop many times after a night of drinking; however, this was the first time he sobered up before accepting the invitation.

"Don't mind if I do," Crowley eyed his angel as he picked himself up from the couch. Making his way to the stairs he stopped when he noticed Aziraphale was not following him, "Coming to bed angel?" He squashed down the hopeful tone aiming for nonchalance.

"Um," Aziraphale stuttered. "I'm just going to read a book. You know I'm not that fond sleeping." The tips of the angel's ears had turned red as he said this.

Crowley slow blinked at him and resisted the urge to sarcastically comment that sleeping was not what he had in mind. Taking in the angel's now stiffening demeanour, he realised that Aziraphale knew exactly what he had meant. Sighing in disappointment, he prevaricated, "It's okay angel, I was just hoping you might entertain the thought of it."

Aziraphale turned his face away briefly, but Crowley caught the look of conflicted guilt. The demon realised that Aziraphale still wasn't there yet. Their new circumstances hadn't tempered the barrier that had always been between them. Crowley knew deep inside that Aziraphale was still afraid of Falling. That perhaps a physical relationship with a demon would be the tipping point. Crowley was suddenly angry, he felt with absolute certainty that wouldn't be the case. Everything else they had been through and done and Aziraphale still believed loving him, would be the reason he would Fall? His angel had to know by now that Crowley wasn't tempting him with lust. He didn't think for a moment that sex with his angel would be anything other than an expression of his love. And even though it was believed that demons couldn't love, Crowley was surely in love with Aziraphale. As for the angel, Crowley did not want to doubt if Aziraphale was in love with him. He wanted to believe, but the angel kept thwarting his hopes. All of these thoughts crossed his mind in seconds as he stared at the angel. Finally, after waiting for a response that might never come, Crowley wished him goodnight and bounded up the stairs.

Once he had ensconced himself in bed, Crowley found he was now wide awake. His heart ached, and he was not trying to be overly dramatic but it hurt almost as much as his Fall. The tearing sensation, the burning, had felt like this. In a way, it was almost worse, at least that pain had ended. The loss of Her divine Presence was a small echo; only occasionally felt when Crowley had Questions when he saw something the humans did that was especially horrific or unbelievable. This pain lingered. For six thousand years, the pain of his unrequited love grew and festered inside of him, filling the empty space where another love had been. Sometimes it was the only thing that had sustained him, other times he felt it would drag him down and smother him.

Crowley thought about the other loves he had experienced through the years. None of them had lasted, humans lives went by so quickly. It didn't help that their love was always eclipsed by his love for Aziraphale. Occasionally he had felt guilty that he couldn't love them back completely, had felt anguish when they died still loving him. There had been this one young thing that had comforted him for a while. They had been living in sin for several months beforehand, and the scandal of it was delighting Crowley to no end. Shortly before he had taken up with her, another man had knocked her up. He had not minded this one bit, and when the child had come, he doted on the baby like was his own. Then as it always happened, she died. The childbirth had left her in a weakened state, and one month afterwards, she had caught a fever and was gone overnight. Then he had been visited by Hastur, who had remarked that if he was done playing house it was time to move on to other temptations. The remark had sent a knife of fear into him, had Hell been watching him? Feeling the weight of ages, and the need for insurance he had contacted his angel. When Aziraphale had rejected his request for holy water, it had been a crushing disappointment. He found the baby a good home with a couple that was well off but childless and afterwards had lain down to sleep off his sorrow.

All this reminiscing made him recall the baby. By the time he had woken up, the child had grown old and was two generations past. It made him think of another child, one that he had actually had the opportunity to raise. They had abandoned Warlock so quickly after figuring out he wasn't the Antichrist. In all of their scrambling around, Crowley hadn't thought of what had become of him. He turned cold as he remembered the conversation with Hastur through the television. Was the child still even alive? Hastur's wrath was extraordinary and few survived it, as evidenced by the Order of the Chattering Nuns. Crowley decided that it was better if he went to look for the child now. Aziraphale would be miffed that he left in the middle of the night. At the moment Crowley didn't care, he'd had enough self-flagellation for the moment; it was time to go do something constructive. With a snap of his fingers, he disappeared from the angel's flat and reappeared in his own.

In the bookstore below, Aziraphale looked up towards his now empty bedroom. He sighed as he closed his book and set it aside. Dropping his head into his hands, he silently wept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> msg me on [tumblr](https://bonesandchekov.tumblr.com/) if I missed a pronoun, no beta and I'm drunk as fuck

Crowley had scoured the internet about the Dowling's and checked the US ambassadorial website. Plastered all over the news was the "terrorist bombing" that had landed the entire Dowling family in the hospital. They had been life flight flown back to the UK since it was closer to Israel than the US. Thaddeus and Harriet were still in the critical care unit. Warlock was still with them but he was in an out of consciousness and only partially healed from his injuries.

Crowley had grown his hair out again. He normally liked to let his corporation do it naturally, but time was not on his side at the moment. Crowley plumbed the depth of his closet; surely he hadn't gotten rid of Ashtoreth's outfit. He had quite liked the stern set of clothing and had plans for it in the future. More than once he had caught Aziraphale admiring it, so it seemed a good thing to keep for the days he was feeling a little sharp and wicked. The demon shook his head, clearing it of those thoughts; it was useless to waste his energy on them when nothing would come of it right now.

He finally found the dress suit he was looking for; giving it a good fluff he hung it up and contemplated the possibilities. The tweed had to go, he was looking for a sleeker updated look. Hopefully, as most children seemed to believe all grownups were old, Warlock would not notice that he hadn't aged, or that he might actually be younger-looking than before. So the outward style he was going for was a refined middle-aged lady. Since the Dowling's wouldn't even be a factor, it was the hospital staff that he needed to fool. Sure, he could just miracle himself in, the take the boy and be done with it, but this needed finesse. If the child agreed, Crowley was essentially going to be his parent for the rest of his life. That meant outwardly when he was with Warlock, he had to lead a somewhat normal-looking life.

With a couple of snaps, everything was set. His body rearranged itself into the appropriate curves, his cock melded back into his flesh and reformed into a vulva. The rest of the female reproductive organs she skipped, muttering, "Oh don't need those parts, already planning for one kid, don't need another." Idly, she wondered if Aziraphale had even contemplated changing the sex of his corporation, that on the snowball's chance in hell that they had sex, what would he prefer. She grumbled again, as she had let the thoughts of the angel distract her. She couldn't even get Aziraphale to kiss her; sex was another twelve millennia away in her estimation.

Pulling on her undergarments, she regarded the now deep charcoal grey merino wool suit. She had shortened the hem of the skirt to tea-length and done away with the red bow at the collar. The blouse was deep red with a lighter grey waistcoat. She toed on some sensible wedges and adjusted her stockings once she had gotten the ensemble on. Scrutinizing herself in the mirror, she decided to forgo a hat and conjured a fashionable hair clip. "I am Antonia Ashtoreth. I am here to see the young master Warlock," she spoke, testing out the voice she hadn't used in a while.

Antonia walked through her flat making notes about what needed to change. Warlock would need his own room. She snapped her fingers and the tenant next door found himself relocated to the empty flat two floors up. A hallway appeared to the new set of rooms, but Antonia left them empty. Warlock could decorate his own room, and it would probably require the theft of things at his current home. She stopped at her desk and contemplated if she needed anything special in her handbag. She wasn't planning on staying at the hospital for very long, just enough to gauge how many more preparations she would need to make with the humans to pull this off successfully. Antonia checked the fridge and realised that she would have to put in a delivery. She wondered what else besides the television and game system she would need to keep a young boy entertained. Not that Antonia was planning on letting him spend all his free time doing that, but for the short term it would do. The child had his Gameboy attached to him constantly since is current mother couldn't be bothered to provide her attention unless it was required, or she had no choice but to attend to him. Antonia didn't want to become another Harriet Dowling.

When Ms Ashtoreth checked into the visitor's desk at the hospital, they simply let her in despite the fact that she wasn't on the approved visitor's list. Antonia believed they would let her in, so that is what happened. Warlock was actually being kept in the unit below his parents since they were still in Critical Care. This was fortuitous in the fact that the nurses were more scattered about and the US security personnel were mostly upstairs. That being said, the Secret Service agent at Warlock's door recognised her immediately, if he felt a moment of cognitive dissonance when he gave her the standard male gaze, it quickly passed. Besides that, he held the door open for her as she quietly looked upon her young charge.

Warlock was still asleep, the chart by his bed indicated that he still had many injuries that were healing. Antonia cursed Hastur in her head; she had hoped that Warlock was a little better than his current state. Aziraphale usually handled the healing when it came to the humans they mingled with. Before they broke with their respective head offices, it was difficult for even a demon like her to explain away healing miracles. She was out of practice, but worrying about it would be for nought. She snapped to keep the monitoring devices from going off, then placed her hand over the worse injury, and concentrated. Twenty minutes later, she pushed an errant lock of hair out of her face. She pulled a handkerchief out of her bag and carefully wiped the sweat on her face away. Warlock would wake up any moment now, and she wanted to radiate the calm collected facade that was his Nanny.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hello Nanny," came the soft voice from the bed. Antonia minutely slumped in relief.

"Hello dear," she answered back softly. "How are you feeling?"

Warlock sat up looking confused. "Nothing hurts anymore," he stretched his hands over his head, "and I don't feel tired anymore." The child looked at her, "Nanny, have you come back?"

Antonia sighed and wondered how to go about explaining everything. "Warlock, do you remember all of the things I told you about ruling the world?" He nodded, waiting for her to explain. Nanny would often answer his questions with another question, but in the end, she always explained everything perfectly.

Antonia smiled at his deference and wondered if he was a bit meeker because of what happened, near-death experiences had a way of putting things into perspective for humans. She decided the direct approach would be the best, children were more capable than adults at believing in the fantastical. She took off her glasses revealing her eyes. When the resultant gasp didn't happen, she examined the child's face. Warlock was studying her with a look of satisfied curiosity.

"I always wondered why you wore those all the time." He scooted closer to her, letting his legs hang off the edge of the bed. "What do your eyes have to do with all that stuff you told me?"

"I am a demon. I was sent to make sure you grew up wicked so that you would want to destroy the world and bring about Armageddon." Antonia expected the moment his jaw dropped open, she was unprepared for what he said next.

"You can't be. You were nice. Demons are supposed to be mean."

Antonia floundered for a moment at that before recovering, “Well my dear I had to be, if you didn’t like me then you wouldn’t have listened to anything I had to say.”

Warlock frowned, “Does this mean you don’t like me? Why are you here then?”

This was not going at all as Antonia imagined it would, "No, I like you, dear. That is why I am here. Have the nurses told you that Thaddeus and Harriet haven't woken up?" Warlock nodded so she continued, "They may never wake up because they were injured very badly. Well," she paused considering the truth, "even if they do, I wanted to know if you wanted to live with me from now on?"

The child's eyes widened in disbelief, "I could do that? I always wanted to live with you! Mom put up with me unless the press or the staff was around. Dad," Warlock stopped. They both frowned at the same moment. Antonia thought she had put a stop to that, but this was just one more reason Warlock needed to come with her. She wondered if she should go the extra mile after all of this was sorted and induce the medical equipment to fail.

"You can absolutely come and live with me. However, you won't be able to see the Dowlings ever again. There would also be some things that you wouldn't be able to share with other kids your age."

"Because you are a demon, right? And why did you become my nanny?"

Antonia nodded in confirmation, she went on to tell him all about that night eleven years ago. She skipped the part about the garden, she would tell him about that later, and jumped straight to her discussion with Aziraphale. "A dear friend," she paused, and Warlock looked at her in puzzled interest, "Brother Francis and I were discussing that if he tried to turn you to the light and I tried to turn you towards darkness we would cancel the influences out and you would be normal."

"Is that why Brother Francis was always going on about loving everything?" Warlock tilted his head, "That still doesn't explain why you ended up with me."

Antonia told him how they concocted the plan to teach and influence Warlock over the years and then backtracked to tell him about the night at the nunnery. She was in the middle of telling him about the baby switch when Warlock interrupted, "I know, I heard the nurses talking about it. They said when they took our blood, mine didn't match my parents. Harriet's not my mom. Are you sure you're not my mom?"

Antonia shivered at the thought of procreating with Arthur Young or, Hell... Heaven... Someplace forbid, Lucifer. That was just horrifying, but it did leave the errant thought as to who exactly _was_ Adam's mum. "No dear, unfortunately not," she commiserated. She wasn't going to lie, but it struck a bit of fear into her heart to tell him. "Your biological parents live in Tadfield and as far as reality is concerned, Adam is their son. He is the one who was supposed to end up with the Dowlings."

Warlock fell silent for a moment, Antonia paused to let him have his moment of contemplation. "But I can still come with you, right? You are not going to take me to them?"

"No dearest, you're mine if you want to be. I can take you to visit them if you want to see what they are like. Besides that, there's just a bit of mess that has to be taken care of once we leave here. I know you remember Brother Francis, what about Mr Cortese the tutor?"

Warlock pondered for a second, "Yes," Antonia watched as the pieces came together. "They were the same person, weren't they? Just like the magician too." Warlock squinted at her, then looked at her glasses on the table. For a moment Antonia thought he was going to say something else but the child just nodded at her to continue.

"Well, his name is Aziraphale. He is an angel, and that puts me somewhat at odds with him since we are supposed to be enemies. However, I spend a good deal of time with him and he may not be happy that you're with me. I'm a different person for him and I don't think he's accepted that yet. Depending on how well he takes my situation, you might see him a lot or very little at all." Antonia was at a loss of how to explain a six thousand year Arrangement to a human child. She hoped that it would be apparent once Warlock met Aziraphale but that might be asking for much. Antonia wasn't even sure what their relationship was at the moment either.

Warlock did not know what exactly she meant by that but he didn't care at the moment. He had some idea, considering he remembered the waiters at his birthday party were all men. It barely registered in comparison to what he was imagining his future to be like. Angels and demons being real was awesome, but he was just happy he could leave with his nanny and have a normal-ish life. He hated all of the random travelling around, the strange people always hovering around his dad for looking for favours, and he had nothing common with the American kids he had met the last time they went to the US. Warlock wanted to go to school like other kids and not have to be picture perfect and silent every time he was in public. "So what do we have to do now? Can we leave now?"

"Of course, dear. However, I want you to go over what we just talked about. You have to be sure." Antonia knew it was a lot for an 11-year-old to think about, she may have lied to herself a bit about the consequences. Inwardly, she really wanted this, a chance at a family she didn't have before. Parental love wasn't a substitute for romantic love, but she was so lonely and this was something she could have. She had raised Warlock from an infant and at this point, he was her child.

Warlock was excited, this was really happening, "I know! I can't ever talk to the Dowlings ever again. No talking about angels and demons to other people, or talking about the Apocalypse and the Antichrist," he hesitated, "Um, what do I call you now? Cause I can't call you Nanny, right?"

Oh, here was the moment of truth. Antonia debated how much she wanted to tell him about her corporation just yet. "You can call me Antonia, or Ms Ashtoreth, I have a few other names, but we can save that for later."

"Can I call you mum?" Warlock asked with all the innocence and guile of a child who knew what he wanted.

Antonia's fleshy heart fluttered and she stopped herself from making a silly noise. "Just when it is the two of us dear, we can work up to it in public later." She didn't know how Aziraphale would react if he heard Warlock call her 'mum.' _"Time to finish this visit,"_ she thought. Antonia snapped her fingers, and all of the paperwork for Warlock altered itself. According to hospital records, early this morning Warlock Dowling had a complication and died. By tomorrow, everyone involved would think his body had been cremated and sent to relatives in the US; no one would remember Ms Antonia Ashtoreth had visited today.

If she also set a chain of events in place that might compromise the care of Thaddeus and Harriet Dowling no one had to know. The attending physician for the Dowlings would be late today because her son left his lunch at home. The nurses on the critical care floor might miss a few checks on the Dowlings because some of their other patients miraculously recovered and needed processing. If the old wiring in their hospital room decided to short out it was just a coincidence that it happened right before shift change. Whether they lived or died would be up to the skill and attentiveness of the humans caring for them.

"Now this might be a little odd but up you go, and take my hand." She looked around the room, "Is there anything you want to bring with you?" Warlock shook his head. Antonia snapped and they ended up on the sidewalk next to her Bentley. She smiled as Warlock gaped and admired the car. "In you go dear." Once he was secure in the back seat, Antonia started the car. She took a moment to reflect this was the first journey in their new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm blending a bit of the book and show. Nanny was with Warlock all eleven years, but also was his tutor in some subjects for the last five  
Brother Francis was the gardener for six years, he returned as Mr Cortese, one of Warlock's other tutors for five years  
They both leave Warlock shortly before his eleventh birthday


End file.
